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Surrogacy and the Holidays: Coping Tips for Emotional Well-Being | PECGNA

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The holiday season often represents joy, family, and celebration. But for those involved in a surrogacy journey—whether as gestational surrogates or intended parents—this time of year can feel especially complicated. While it brings opportunities for connection and gratitude, it may also highlight stressors, uncertainties, and emotional challenges.

This guide explores how surrogates and intended parents can manage holiday stress, maintain mental well-being, and create meaningful traditions during this special season.

The Emotional Impact of the Holidays in Surrogacy

The holidays can magnify the emotional dynamics of surrogacy, depending on where you are in the journey.

  • For Gestational Surrogates:
    Early stages of medical and legal preparation may heighten anxiety, while those actively undergoing fertility treatments may feel additional pressure around timing and outcomes. Pregnant surrogates may experience physical fatigue during an already demanding season, along with navigating family reactions or misconceptions about their decision.
  • For Intended Parents:
    Those just beginning may feel overwhelmed by paperwork, medical steps, and legal arrangements. Parents awaiting results or confirmation of pregnancy may experience heightened anxiety during holiday gatherings. For some, infertility struggles or prior losses may resurface emotionally, adding bittersweet feelings to celebrations. Even with a confirmed pregnancy, concerns about the surrogate’s well-being and the baby’s health may overshadow festivities.

Recognizing that the holidays can amplify both joy and stress is the first step toward navigating them with balance and compassion.

Strategies to Support Emotional Well-Being

Taking care of your mental health is essential—especially during a season that often comes with added expectations.

1. Communicate Openly

Honest conversations between intended parents and surrogates help prevent misunderstandings. Discuss boundaries around what information you’re comfortable sharing with family and coordinate expectations for the holiday season.

2. Prioritize Self-Care

  • Gestational surrogates: Make rest and relaxation a priority, and don’t feel obligated to take on every holiday tradition.
  • Intended parents: Consider mindfulness, journaling, or therapy sessions to manage feelings of stress or uncertainty.

3. Find Meaning in Simple Joys

Holidays don’t need to be elaborate. Incorporate surrogacy milestones into your celebrations—whether with a small toast, a keepsake ornament, or simply expressing gratitude together.

Managing Family Dynamics

Family gatherings can sometimes add pressure, particularly if relatives don’t fully understand the surrogacy process.

  • Set clear boundaries: It’s okay to politely decline to answer personal or intrusive questions.
  • Lean on supportive loved ones: Surround yourself with people who affirm your decision and provide encouragement.
  • Acknowledge mixed emotions: Both surrogates and intended parents may feel a combination of pride, anxiety, hope, or even sadness. Giving yourself permission to experience these emotions is part of healthy coping.

If needed, reach out to your surrogacy agency or a mental health professional for additional guidance during challenging interactions.

Practical Tips for a Balanced Holiday Season

  • Plan realistically: Create a holiday schedule that includes surrogacy-related commitments while allowing time for rest and reflection.
  • Embrace imperfection: Accept that the season may not look picture-perfect. Focus on connection instead of unrealistic expectations.
  • Celebrate milestones: Acknowledge progress with small rituals, such as lighting a candle, writing notes of gratitude, or celebrating medical milestones with loved ones.

Finding Joy and Gratitude

Despite its challenges, the holiday season can also highlight the extraordinary gift of surrogacy.

  • Practice gratitude: Focus on the shared journey of building a family. Gratitude has been shown to reduce stress and increase resilience.
  • Create new traditions: Honor the surrogate’s role or the intended parents’ anticipation with meaningful gestures like personalized holiday cards or keepsakes.
  • Stay mindful: Pause to appreciate small moments of connection, joy, or peace, even amid the busyness of the season.

Embracing the Season with Support

Navigating the holidays while in the midst of surrogacy may feel overwhelming at times, but with preparation, open communication, and intentional self-care, it can also be deeply meaningful.

At PECGNA, we provide psychological evaluations and follow-up support to help gestational surrogates and intended parents manage the emotional demands of surrogacy—including during emotionally charged times like the holidays.

👉 If you need professional support this season, our team is here to ensure your journey is as positive and fulfilling as possible.

Originally published by Dr. irada Wattanavitukul on PECNA.com in 2023. Republished here to preserve the integrity of original authorship.

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FOUNDER

Dr. Irada Wattanavitukul, Ph.D., LPC., LMHC

Licensed mental health professional with a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology

Dr. Irada received her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology (Los Angeles) and is a highly respected licensed mental health professional with a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology with specialized training in trauma-informed care, neurodevelopmental assessments, and immigration evaluations. She is deeply committed to supporting individuals and families impacted by trauma, abuse, and developmental challenges, offering evaluations and guidance tailored to their unique needs.

Dr. Irada works extensively with survivors of violence, victims of crime, and individuals with developmental disabilities, ensuring they receive the support and resources they need to thrive. Her compassionate approach helps people navigate the emotional and psychological challenges that often accompany these experiences. Additionally, she plays a critical role in helping families stay together by assisting those going through the immigration process. She understands the emotional toll of separation and provides evaluations and support that empower families to advocate for the protections and accommodations they deserve.

In addition to her work with trauma and immigration, Dr. Irada has completed specialized training in Psychological Evaluation for Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) through the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM). As a member of ASRM and its Mental Health Professionals Group (MHPG), she supports individuals and families on their family-building journeys. Her evaluations help identify emotional needs and provide guidance to ensure the well-being of all involved.

Dr. Irada’s expertise and dedication have earned her national recognition. She holds an EB-2 National Interest Waiver (NIW) status, a prestigious acknowledgment of her significant contributions to mental health in the United States. Her work with high-need populations—such as trauma survivors and individuals with developmental challenges—has had a meaningful impact, helping many achieve healing and personal growth.

By combining her expertise in forensic psychology, trauma-informed care, neurodevelopmental assessments, and family support, Dr. Irada has become a key figure in her field. Her compassionate and thorough approach not only benefits individuals and families but also strengthens communities by fostering resilience and well-being.